You know what is cool about being a teenager? You’re parents don’t always know what you’re up to. You’re starting to do things they way YOU want to do them. Them may tell you not to listen to that music or watch that show…but it’s on your ipod. You watch MTV at a friend’s even though your parents have blocked it. You’re not really as Susie’s house – you only TOLD them you were going to Susie’s. Yeah, OK you may have driven by Susie’s or stopped by Susie’s but your whole plan is to hook up with Dan. Dan is the plan.
You possess the most powerful force in the universe: Free Will. Your God-given right to live your life any way you want to live it. There are 6 billion people on the planet and you, ONLY you have the power to decide on your direction. Only YOU possess the internal compass to navigate your path…your Adventure. You can be yourself and that is a very powerful and freeing experience.
Let Me Be Myself – 3 Doors Down
“Bein' someone else
I tried to kill the pain
Nothin ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hopin to come back around
To find myself someday.
Lately i'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Let me be myselfSo i can shine with my own light
And let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself.”
This is all well and good. I am the dude in control of my destiny. I am the man or the woman. All good right? Not so fast…
The Junk is Part of the Journey
We can’t have a heart-to-heart talk about being yourself without talking about some junk, trash, crap, the stuff you’d rather forget. Stuff you’re trying to forget about it. Stuff that makes you pissed off and stuff that makes you cringe or sleep in and not want to face the day.
If you and I sat down and you told me all about the junk…it doesn’t really matter what it is… and let’s face it…there’s some nasty stuff going on. Backstabbing, rumors, breakups, diseases, pregnancies…stuff that if you’re parents knew about…they would pull you out and put you in private school just to try and protect you. Or maybe your parents are the junk…today happened. That event or events in your life that just suck. Just remembering them make you cringe. If I put those up on the screen to showed them to everyone…you would literally die of embarrassment or shame.
“Everything is made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.” (Iris – Goo Goo Dolls)
Your whole life literally went to hell in a handbasket. Cut from the team, failing grades, alone and lonely, sick, depressed, parents breaking up, fill-in-the-blank with the worst thing that has happened to you this year.
If there was somebody, anybody who really knew who you were. What you REALLY wanted. What you REALLY needed. If only there was somebody who knew everything about you but accepted you and like you. If only there was someone like that. Guess what??!! THERE IS!! That person is YOU!
Let’s review: Who are you going to be spending most of your time with? You. Who understands you better than anyone? You! Who knows all the messed up parts of your life? You!
It Can Get Lonely Out There
Guys, write this down cuz this WILL be on the test: Life can be a lonely urney and you better get used to the fact that there is NOBODY: NOT your parents, NOT your friends, NOT your teammates, NOT your church Youth Group… NOBODY is MORE interested in your success in life than YOU. AND YES, this does suck at many levels, but it is also very exciting. Trust me.
Don’t believe me about the selfishness stuff? Let me give you a little assignment to prove to yourself what I am saying is true:
Enter into a conversation and ONLY ask questions: “Really, what was that like?” “Tell me how that made you feel?” “Really, tell me about that [event] in your life.” People will literally talk about themselves forever if you let them. IF the person you are having this conversation with actually stops talking about themselves and asks you a question about your life, I will send you a check for $100. Trust me, you already know this about people…they are NOT really interested in the outcome of your life, your happiness, your success, your achievements, your feelings. You are basically surrounded by really self-centered, self-consumed people.
Let me tell you young teenage friend…I wrote this blog to tell you this…ready for it? Wait for it…wait for it…
If people are basically selfish (that includes all of us), it stands to reason that very few (if anyone) has really taken the time to get to know and appreciate the real you…HAVE YOU TAKEN THE TIME GET TO KNOW YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU? Do you LIKE you?
That is really the starting point. Self-acceptance. Self love (as creepy as that sounds). YOU HAVE TO on some level wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and really like what you see inside. Not your nose, your tan, your hair, not primarily your body or your looks…but the real you…the INSIDE OF YOU (if that makes sense). That’s the part your REAL friends will appreciate. It’s the part that your life partner will fall in love with.
Remember the words from Gym Class Heroes in Catch Me if You Can: “I refuse to feel inferior to you.”
You have to learn to REFUSE to let the voices in your head tell you stuff that's not true. Everyone has those voices: not good enough, not cute enough, not smart enough, not athletic enough, not popular enough. Replace the voice with the Truth: YOU are unique. YOU are special. YOU have amazing potential. YOU can have an amazing life!
This all brings me to my next point: As sucky as this might sound…YOU ALONE are responsible for your happiness. There is nobody better equipped to navigate your life than you. Yes, your parents and friends and counselors and role models can help guide the process, but ultimately YOU are the captain of the ship. YOU are the Pilot of the plane. It’s all up to you.
Let’s review:
- You have the freedom to be yourself.
- The junk is part of the journey so learn to like yourself…even love yourself even though you’re not perfect.
- People are basically self-centered, so get used to it. They are NOT looking out for you. That’s your job.
- You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness. If your life sucks…at the end of the day, you are the only one who can make it better – the way you want it to be.
